Oh, Engagement Ring 💍

The stage of choosing a life partner is one of the most crucial phases that requires awareness and maturity, not just emotions and conventional norms. This doesn’t mean abandoning joy and adopting a serious demeanor, but rather understanding your partner on a deeper level, especially in aspects that societal norms might overlook. It's important to remember that both men and women tend to present their best selves at the beginning, but only those with the keys to understanding the depth of a person’s character and their unconscious side can truly gain deeper insight.

I often receive consultations about how to determine whether a potential partner is suitable or not, or what essential questions should be asked during this stage. Therefore, I’ve decided to share nine questions from different levels, along with interpretations of their answers, including some symbolic questions:

1. What is your favorite animal or plant?

Everyone has a side that resonates with animalistic traits. By asking why your partner favors a particular animal or plant, you'll discover a part of their personality. For instance, if they say "a lion" because it is strong and authoritative, and you’re someone who likes to be in control, it might be wise to pause and ask more questions to avoid potential power struggles. If they answer "sage" because it withstands drought, you might be dealing with someone who has a touch of harshness.

2. Who is the person you would forgive no matter what they did?

This person could be a mother, friend, sister, or even an "ex-lover." The advice here is to be cautious about conflicting with this person, as they hold a place where they cannot be treated harshly.

3. What is the one thing you feel compelled to do, and would regret if you didn’t accomplish in your lifetime?

This question reveals a significant part of the person's priorities. If your partner responds that they want to be famous, you need to ask yourself if you’re prepared to handle the pressures of fame and the restrictions it brings, even if they currently only know you and their family.

4. What is the one thing you cannot forgive? And why?

This is where you learn about the potential "nail in the coffin" for your relationship.

5. What is the deepest way to connect with you?

You might hear answers like looking into their eyes or listening to them when they are distressed. This reveals the quickest path to your partner's heart.

6. What are your greatest pleasures?

If the answer is "a plate of mansaf" and you don’t know how to cook it, it might be beneficial to learn from a neighbor like Umm Mohammed to avoid losing your loved one to someone else’s mansaf.

7. What is your relationship with your boss/professor/police officer?

This question helps you understand their relationship with authority, which can reflect on their relationship with their father, and consequently, on you.

8. What is your purpose in life?

If you’re like me and are interested in spirituality and personal development, and you hear a generic or vague answer, it might be time to think seriously about your future together.

9. If you walked into a room and suddenly the door closed behind you, and it could only be opened with a password you didn’t have, and the building was empty for months, what would you do?

This question helps you uncover a significant part of the person’s childhood traumas and, more importantly, how they handle crises.

Whether you are married or single, try asking these questions and share your results. What questions have you asked or would like to ask your partner before we all sing "May the engagement ring be ours"?

**Photo credit: Cartier - Edinburgh**

Dr. Fairouz Mustafa

Life Coach and Healer